Rant - Lesser Known Physical Laws

The following fragments were found scribbled on several napkins left at Professor Brian Cox’s table in a London pub.

The Greater Will Ferrell Facial Hair Correlation

There is a positive relationship between the quantity of hair on Will Ferrell’s upper lip, jaw line and cheeks and the quality of the role corresponding with said hair.

The Benchley/Gottlieb Constant

It is always appropriate to quote Jaws.

The Rate of David

The yearly, exponential rate of increase in video game characters voiced by Keith David.

The Killdozer Parameter

The occurrence of the Killdozer incident in this universe ensures that no human motivation or means of action, however absurd, is impossible.

• Related: The Joker Principle: the extent and magnitude of the Joker’s madness provides reasonable explanation for all of his actions and methods, and by extension ensures his believability in all fictional universes, with or without the intervention of Christopher Nolan.

The Ghomeshi Incline

The sexiness of Jian Ghomeshi’s voice gradually increases throughout the work week, peaking every Friday morning. Resets to its starting value every Monday morning (poss. exception: live tapings of Q).

The Firefly Predication

Singing a popular television show theme song on the floor at work has enough causal effect on the environment to trigger a rush.